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Parenting by the Example of Our Heavenly Father: Should You Be Friends With Your Children?
Submitted by Jennifer Power
I often hear (good intentioned) people and parents say parents should not be friends with their children. I came across an article called Your Child Is Not Your “Friend” which talks about appropriate boundaries between parents and children and about parents not making their children their confident. I very much agree with the main point of the article – children are not emotionally capable of carrying the burdens of their parents, and such behavior is unhealthy, inappropriate and can lead to children feeling responsible for their parents’ emotional well-being their entire lives.
That being said, I want to examine this question “should you be friends with your children?” in light of scripture and in light of the example set by our Heavenly Father. Let us first examine our common understanding of friendship.
When we think of friends (especially when considering friendship with our children), we might think of lack of accountability – after all, a good friend would never tattle on a friend. Or, we might think of a common sharing of burdens (as discussed in the above mentioned article). When we think of parents who are friends with their children, we likely think of parents who allow their children to do whatever they please with no discipline, instruction, or consistency.
With that concept of friendship in mind, I agree parents should not be friends with their children – such a relationship is not healthy for parent or child. Even still, I pause when I hear people adamantly insist parents not be friends with their children, and my pause comes from consideration of God’s relationship with us. With that in mind, let us consider a few scriptures about our friendship with God:
These are simply a selection of scriptures which contain the word “friend” to describe our relationship with God. These do not even include all the references to the close relationship we are to have with our God who is always with us and will never forsake us – who is our counselor, our helper, our companion, our comfort, our strength, and our joy.
Though I come to this conclusion and present it with care, I come to it nonetheless: we should be friends with our children if we are striving to model our parenting after our relationship with our Heavenly Father. This friendship should not be a selfish one and should also be appropriate to the child’s age and maturity level. It should be for the child’s sake (though parents can find joy in it as God delights in our relationship with Him).
Here are a couple more points for consideration on this matter:
What does this mean on a practical level? Here are some do’s and don’ts when inviting your children into your friendship.
Do:
Don’t:
In This Together
Parenting is hard work. It is my prayer that we can support and encourage one another as parents even when we disagree with one another. It is certainly important to respond to our children’s inappropriate behaviors – and it is our job to do so. My hope is that as we seek to respond to our children, we will look to God and how He treats us and consider how we might model Him and His ways.
If you ever desire prayer or someone to talk with about parenting challenges, I would love to pray and talk with you and provide any support I can. You can email me at jennifer@spldecatur.org or call (217)423-6955.
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