Raising Kids who have a Kind Heart and Love the Lord

Submitted by Jennifer Power

I am intentionally omitting “how to” on the title of this post because I could never claim to have a formula for any aspect of life. Neat boxes to check off sure would make life more convenient, but I have found such formulas greatly lacking. There are always exceptions, anomalies, and a danger of legalism which make many “how to” guides ineffective. I am therefore setting out in this post and subsequent posts not to give you a complete list of how to raise kids who are kind and love God but rather to paint a picture of how such a way of parenting might look – more specifically, I am sharing what works for us in our home, what I hope will work for us, and ways of living and parenting which I strive to achieve. My husband and I do not always do everything on this list, let alone do them all well. Nevertheless, I pray this list will inspire and encourage you to consider being intentional about raising kids with a kind heart who love the Lord.

1. PRAY.

I am not always as diligent in prayer for my children as I would like to be, but in addition to praying for their safety (a prayer which I just cannot help but pray) it is my regular prayer for my children that they love others well, seek God with all their hearts, and experience His great love for them. It can be easy to take our prayer privileges for granted. Not only are we free to pray without persecution, but beyond the freedoms allotted to us by our government, we have granted to us freedom through Christ’s atoning work on the cross to enter into the real presence of God and present our requests before Him. This is a privilege, freedom, and responsibility which we just cannot take lightly.

2. MEET THEIR NEEDS – ALL OF THEM, TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY.

I have first-hand experience with kids and teenagers who have grown up without having their needs met. It is nearly impossible for such persons to maintain a loving and kind way of life when they themselves have been neglected. We cannot give what we have not experienced. We as parents must instill in our children a sense of worth as creations of God. For children to see others as valuable and worthy of kindness, they must first believe themselves worth something. At times, we struggle to balance the depravity of our sinfulness with the value of our souls. Though ruined by sin, we were all created by the great God of the universe…and God does not make worthless junk. In fact, He finds such worth in us that He sent His beloved son to die so our lives could be redeemed from the damage done by sin and so we could be free to live as the beautiful creatures He created us to be.

While most of us do not fail to put food on the table, clothes in closets, four walls and a roof around our children for shelter, and to provide for their education, we sometimes neglect other needs such as comfort and compassion. Very quickly into parenting I learned not to judge other parents who are doing their best to care for their children, but when I first heard about cry-it-out sleep training methods for babies, there was an aspect to this method that stuck out to me as potentially problematic. In one particular method, parents are taught to check their crying infant to make sure his or her “needs” have been met, and if upon checking they discover these needs to be met, they can comfortably walk away and allow the baby to cry him or herself to sleep. In this scenario, need is defined by hunger, lack of obstruction to airway, lack of illness, clean diaper, and comfortable temperature. When I look around at our hurting and broken world today, I see comfort as being a very real need: Comfort in fear, comfort in sadness, comfort in loneliness or confusion. So many today suffer from lack of such comfort, and God and His Holy Spirit are great Comforters. Why therefore, would we deny or overlook such needs in our own children?*

*Please know, I understand there are sleep training methods which take this need into consideration. Also, we all must do our best as we see fit as parents – this is not meant as a condemnation or criticism but rather as a point of consideration. The issue of sleep, parents, and babies is complicated to say the least, and I know I am in danger of oversimplifying.

I remember hearing an idea on the radio about always having plenty of Band-Aids in the house so your children can have one anytime they ask and as a way to help them associate home with healing and comfort. I love this idea and have taken it to heart in my parenting.

Consistent, reliable rules and boundaries are another important need in the lives of children. Children feel safe in an environment where they know what to expect and what is expected of them. If they act one way one time and receive a certain response from parents, then act that same way another time and receive an entirely different response, this can lead to the child experiencing anxiety and acting out.

3. GIVE PHYSICAL AFFECTION AND SAY “I LOVE YOU.”

Giving children physical affection is closely tied with meeting the needs of comfort and personal worth. Children need physical affection – and lots of it – to develop properly. This might look different in every home and with each parent. Hugs, kisses, high-fives, tickles, piggyback rides, gentle wrestling and physical contact games/activities, etc. are all ways of providing physical affection to your children.

Smile. Laugh. Be Silly. It is GOOD for your kids. (And for you too!)

As implied earlier, children need to know they are loved and valued in order to love and value others and even (to a certain extent) be able to receive God’s love and love Him in return. Children need to hear they are loved, valued, and cherished by their parents on a regular basis. Having a special name, phrase, inside joke or favorite activity for each of your children is a great way to show each of them they have value as an individual and not just as part of the larger sibling set. Such valuing of each individual child will likely decrease sibling jealousy and rivalry and foster more positive relationships between brothers and sisters.        ___________________________________________________________________________________________

Next week, I will continue with more ways to raise kids who have a kind heart and love the Lord. In the meantime, I hope you experience some wonderful summer time with you children. God’s love and blessing to you this day and always!

Raising Kids who have a Kind Heart and Love the Lord – Part Two

Raising Kids who have a Kind Heart and Love the Lord – Part Three

Raising Kids who have a Kind Heart and Love the Lord – A Brief Guide to Spiritual Disciplines

Raising Kids who have a Kind Heart and Love the Lord – A Brief Guide to Spiritual Disciplines (cont.)