Anger in Marriage

In the Sunday morning marriage class, we talked about a subject that applies to all of us: anger.

There were a couple of things that were said that stuck with me that I’d like to share, and hopefully they will get you to think about the anger that you occasionally have toward your spouse, as I do mine.

We have been working through the Art of Marriage small group study, and in the video portion, one of the pastors being interviewed made the following comment:

“Think how little of our anger has anything to do with the kingdom of God.”

Wow. I had never quite thought about it like that before, but that statement struck me as so true. If I could list every single time I’ve ever gotten angry at my wife, I’ll bet almost every single time would have been because of something she did that I didn’t like. Because I was unhappy or dissatisfied with something she said or did, I became angry. That’s another notion we discussed. Other people don’t make us angry, we make ourselves angry. Other people can do things that are mean or inconsiderate or rude, but we choose to be angry about it, just as we choose to hold on to resentment or to not forgive.

So what’s the big deal if we get angry about things that have nothing to do with the kingdom of God?

Often times it means that we’re creating our own rules, our own laws, by which we expect our spouse to live. And they’re often petty and unimportant in the grand scheme of things. You might expect your spouse to always clean up the crumbs they leave on the kitchen counter after making toast, and jump on them the one time they forget. You expect them to live by the law you have created, not God, and you make them feel your wrath when they violate the law. How many little rules do each of us have that we watch to see if our spouse follows? Do any of these have anything to do with God or are they just about us? Do we usually extend grace to our spouse when they violate our rules or do we yell, pout, and give our spouse the silent treatment?

Thinking about some of these questions the last couple of days has kept me from losing my temper a couple of times with my spouse. I challenge all of you to consider them the next time your spouse does something that pushes your buttons (you probably won’t have to wait long), and try to gain deeper insight into some of the interactions with your spouse.

In Christ,

Jarvis

Jarvis Howe is our former Director of Counseling & Family Ministry – if you still need to connect with Jarvis, we can help you with that through our Church Office at 217-423-6955. If you are dealing with challenges in your marriage or other areas of your life, you can connect with one of our pastors through the Church Office by contacting Molly Schroat, Pastoral Administrative Assistant, at 217-423-6955.