A Bun is My Holy Hairdo

Submitted by Jennifer Power

I am going to confess something to you which might be a bit of a shock.

Ready?

Here goes…

I do not have a daily quiet time with God.

(Feel free to take a moment to catch your breath.)

“How can this be?” you might ask.

“You are a Director of Children’s Ministry – your full time job is centered on faith in Jesus Christ and you don’t have a daily quiet time?!” you might say.

I know. I told you it might be a shock.

Maybe you are stunned, but maybe you can relate. As a Christian wife and mom, there is a clear spoken and unspoken expectation of me. I should put God first, my husband second, my kids third, and any other pursuits fourth.

There is also a pretty clear understanding of what this should look like in my day to day life. I should start my morning with a daily quiet time with God (minimum of ten minutes, but ideally thirty, and if it cannot be first thing in the morning, then it should be as early in the day as possible or at least sometime during the day and should include a combination of prayer and bible reading). This is priority number one. After all, God comes first. In putting God first, we should also attend church services weekly and give away ten percent of our income.

Next, I need to make arrangements for weekly date nights and set clear boundaries with the kids which let my husband know I love and value him as more than just my kids’ father. Husband comes second.

Then, my kids need a clear and consistent schedule, healthy food, regular prayer and devotion times, and love, patience and discipline. Kids come third.

This is not a perfect analysis of these expectations, but many Christian communities, teachers, bloggers, etc. put forth some version of these priorities.

Perhaps I am a bit of a rocker of boats, but I take issue with this analysis.

Perhaps this way of living works well for some, but not only do I disagree with some of its assumptions, it is just not feasible for our family.

First, its assumptions:

• This way of thinking assumes our lives are compartmentalized – that God, husband, kids, and other aspects of our lives live in separate spheres and must thus be appropriately prioritized.
• This way of thinking presents a daily quiet time with God as the most important element in a Christian’s daily walk with Christ.
• This way of thinking is more about me than it is about Christ. My quiet time. Our date night. My schedule. My kids. My plans.
• This way of thinking limits Christianity to a set of expectations which, once met, fulfill our Christianly duties.

As for feasibility, I will tell you a couple stories.

Lately, I have been trying to wake up early in the mornings to have time to myself – to pray or to read and to have some breakfast just me and God (yes, I do spend time with God…it just does not happen daily). However, since the introduction of our girls into our lives, I have learned just how little sleep I actually need to function. My girls are not consistent with their sleep. My oldest does not take naps, but when she happens to fall asleep in the van in the middle of the day, it significantly pushes back her bedtime. My youngest sometimes sleeps through the night (though this is very rare) and does not consistently get up at the same time. It often seems when I set my alarm for say, 5:30am, Kenna decides that is when she wants to wake up…

Earlier this week, I did not manage to wake up before Kenna, and I was disappointed. I thought to myself I just want an hour to myself, is this REALLY too much to ask!? But, oh well, I was off work that day and figured I would find time later in the day to read. I am reading this fantastic book about Jesus’ life as seen through Middle Eastern culture. I love reading books like these because it really helps bring the scripture alive for me.

Later that day, when my youngest was sleeping and my oldest and my husband were otherwise occupied, I slipped outside to spend some time alone with my book and my God. Not long after getting set up, my daughter wanted to know if she can come outside with me. Sternly I told her she has to stay completely quiet because I am trying to read. She agreed and came out with some toys.

My daughter is only four. She does not do quiet well. I felt myself getting frustrated as she kept asking me questions.

Until it hit me.

Was I really honoring the Jesus I was reading about by brushing off my daughter who just wanted me to spend time with her?

I put down the book. We made necklaces out of flowers and felt the cool breeze on our faces. It was a sweet time.

A couple days ago I got up early to pray. I made some coffee and a small breakfast, went in the living room, and prepared myself to focus on prayer. I had no idea how long my children would continue sleeping and thus had no idea how long I had to myself. Knowing I was on limited time, focusing was not easy. After all, I had an unknown (probably short) amount of quiet time to myself, and I am one of those people who need absolutely quiet to focus. I am a thinker, and lack of quiet makes it hard for me to concentrate. Therefore, when I get quiet time, I struggle to focus on just one thing – such as praying. Nonetheless, I managed to get in a good twenty minutes of prayer time.

I then peeked in at my youngest to see if she was still sleeping.

She was stirring.

I began to pray.

“Oh God,” I said, “Please let her fall back to sleep for another half an hour. I really want a shower this morning. Please sing over her and help her feel comfortable and safe so that she can continue to sleep. You are God of all things and I know You can allow me this time to shower without having to wake up my husband who is tired and went to bed late last night in an attempt to get a little bit of time to himself.”

I continued to pray and watch as my sweet little 13 month old princess sat up and smiled at me.

I knew it was over. Unlike my older daughter and my husband, Kenna wakes up smiling – and once she has smiled, she is not going back to sleep.

I smiled back at her and picked her up. I changed her diaper, then we spent fifteen minutes watching birds at the window – she just loves watching the birds.

We smiled and laughed together. We then went into the kitchen for breakfast, and rather than showering, I let my husband sleep and cleaned the kitchen. (No, our kitchen does not get cleaned every night…I know, I know…).

I am learning that life with Christ means surrendering my plans to His, and sometimes this even means no daily quiet time with God. Life with Christ means me giving God my very best while knowing that it will never be enough – Knowing that I will never be strong enough or equipped enough to live my way apart from Him.

I think we fall into a trap when we think our daily quiet time with God is our most holy time of day. For me, my most holy times are the moments when I surrender my will to His – when I let go of control and my own expectations on what my life is supposed to look like.

When I arrange my priorities, the only priority I have is God – and no, this does not mean every day I get a quiet time with Him. This does not mean I get to do what I want when I want (even showering…). This means I live (as best as I can with the help of His Spirit) in complete surrender to Him. This means I never give up seeking Him. I never rest content. I never shrug my shoulders and say “oh well, I guess I do not get to have quiet time with God in this season of my life.”

But this does mean I look to God and not to the pressures and expectations which sometimes come from others.

When God is my only priority, everything else flows outward. No, it is not neat and tidy and easy to define. But yes, it is much more rich and beautiful.

On those mornings when I do not get to take a shower, a bun becomes my holy hairdo. If my hair is in a bun, it probably means I wanted a shower but did not get one. It probably means my daughters woke up before I wanted them to and I chose to let my husband sleep and to spend some time with them. Maybe I chose quiet time over a shower or maybe I did not even get my quiet time – not because I did not want to be alone with God, but because it just did not happen that day. But, on those days, perhaps God is more honored by little sleep, greasy hair, and smiling time with my kids than in a morning quiet time.