The Danger of Comparing Ourselves to Others

Do you ever compare yourself to others? If you’re being honest with yourself, you will answer “yes” to that question.

So why do we compare ourselves to others? Sometimes we do so in an attempt to make ourselves feel better. We might say, “I may not be making as much money now as I’d like to, but at least I’m making more than Bob,” or “I might work a lot, but at least I’m not a workaholic like Randy.” We can also compare ourselves to others in a way that makes us feel bad about ourselves. An example would be, “Why can’t I be more confident, like Jennifer?” or “I wish I could be in better shape like all of my friends.” This is our focus for today.

For some reason, I think we see the second type of comparison as better than the first, or more socially acceptable at least. We are knocking ourselves as opposed to another person. We just want to improve ourselves, but it can have a devastating effect on our self-image and mood.

We compare ourselves to others constantly without realizing it. A trap some married couples fall into is comparing their spouse to others. A husband wishes his wife would take better care of herself and join a gym like his buddy’s wife, or a wife wonders why her husband can’t be nicer and more understanding like her friend’s husband. No matter how much they wish or hope or fantasize about their spouse changing, when they snap back into reality they’re still married to the same person and often some level of resentment has been created.

Whether we are comparing our spouses to other people or ourselves to other people we are imagining an idealized version of the other person. We often see others at their best. We don’t take into account their many flaws and shortcomings, likely because we aren’t aware of exactly what they are, because everybody tries to put their best self out there on display to the rest of the world. This makes it futile to try to compare ourselves with others.

But even if we had a full understanding of another person against which we could compare ourselves, what good does it do us? You may wish you were in better shape like John or prettier or smarter like Lisa, but how do you feel after making such comparisons? Do you nevertheless feel grateful for the blessings and talents that God has given you? That’s certainly not my first thought. Maybe you feel angry with God for creating you the way you are, or perhaps you just start to feel down about yourself.

Sometimes, a little motivation can be a good thing. We might look at John and think that he’s in great shape, but then think, “If I continue to work hard like he did, I can get in good shape too.” We have to be careful to not fall into the trap of letting that statement go any further. If we add to the end of that, “but I’m just so out of shape now that it’s going to take so much work. Maybe I can’t do it. Who am I fooling?” Our self-esteem can take a nosedive. We can go from motivated to deflated in a very short time.

There is nothing wrong with acknowledging the blessings that God has given to others. Lisa might be very smart, but you’ve got your own blessings to be grateful for. There is a fine line between an appreciation for other’s abilities and occasionally using them as personal motivators and envy. Stay out of the “danger zone” – learning to step over that line less can lead to a better appreciation of the gifts God has given to you.

Yours in Christ,

Jarvis