Failing in Christ

Submitted by Jennifer Power

Well, it has been nearly a week since I determined to avoid hurrying as an act of trust in the grace, love, and provision of God for me. The week has been difficult – even feeling debilitating at times, but it has also been wonderful. I am learning many things as I step into more complete trust in God.

I am learning God’s provision does not mean everything will go smoothly. I stepped out and tried something new in the Early Communion class I taught this last week to a group of sixth graders and their parents, and the response was mixed. I spent time in prayer and approached the planning of the class with a prayerful spirit believing and knowing God was with me as I planned. Nevertheless, the planning was not smooth sailing and neither was the class itself. Throughout the class (and the planning beforehand), as my emotions took a roller coaster ride and my ability to rest in God’s guidance ebbed and flowed, I did my best to be faithful and obedient.

After the class, I was close to becoming consumed by everything that did not seem to go well and everything I could have done better. I had enough awareness of myself to recognize the danger in this thinking and ended up sitting in a closet praying for a while after the class had ended, trying to keep myself held together. My impulse was to beat myself up, to disqualify myself, and to give in to the urge to give up. Within 24 hours, I was able to acknowledge the strengths of the class (and there were several), to identify a few changes I would make next time, and to rest a little more solidly in God’s lesson plan for my development as Director of Children’s Ministry. I realized my inability to conduct a perfect class was not an indication of fault or failure on my part but rather just a part of the learning process. I gave it my best and took careful note of how I can improve future classes.

I think for a long time I have thought the quality of my performance shows how much I am worth – that if I am perfectly obedient and perfectly trusting, then I will perform perfectly. It therefore followed if I do not perform perfectly, it is because of my own shortcomings, failures, and inabilities. I have not often left myself much of a learning curve.

Within the last couple years, I remember reading through Paul’s words in Philippians 4:13 on how he can do all things through Christ who gives him strength, and I remember thinking that for me, all things includes failure – that in Christ, I can do all things through Him who gives me strength, and that this includes failure. In Christ, I am free to fail. I remember believing in my head that it would be okay for me to fail in the safety of Christ, but I do not think it had yet begun to take root very deeply within my life.

Perhaps for the first time, when I taught this class last week, I began to realize just what this truth means for my life. I realized God’s plan for my life is not free from my own failures and imperfections – in fact, in these failures and imperfections God helps me remember how desperate my need is for Him. His lesson plan for my life will quite likely include much weakness on my part and probably many occurrences of what I would have previously labeled as “failure.” Not only is this okay, it is also good. I am starting to be released from the need to be perfect in order to find any worth within myself.

This is just one of the beautiful lessons I have received from God during this first week of “giving up hurrying,” and I look forward with anticipation for what He will continue to teach me in this special season of Lent. I have much to learn, and this first week was not completely free of hurry, but it definitely included much less hurrying and a stronger awareness of God’ presence and provision in my life.

If God has spoken to you in a special way this past week of Lent, I would love to hear from you. If you would like to share what God is doing your life or your family’s life, you can email me at jennifer@spldecatur.org

I pray this second week of Lent will draw you and your family closer to the One from whom all life flows.

In His love and service,

Jen