It seems like when I’m trying to think of a topic to blog about, my mind always jumps to the negative first. I could have titled this blog post “bad marriage habits,” and listed a bunch of things that many couples do that is detrimental to their marriage. Doing so would have probably been much easier, as I can quickly think of many things my wife and I do that do not strengthen our marriage. But I think what people are more interested in is what they should be doing instead of what they are doing that isn’t working. With that said, I’ve decided to focus on 4 habits that all couples can start that will strengthen their marriage.

The first is an obvious one for many Christians, but one we may not do with our spouse often enough, and that’s spend time praying and studying the Word together. When we grow closer to God, we grow closer to each other. The great thing about this is that it doesn’t require a lot of time. Stopping to pray together in the midst of a hectic day or at the end of one is a good habit to get into, but like anything, requires that you make it a habit by repetition. Doing this only occasionally is not going to be nearly as impactful as doing it often.

I’ve talked before about the importance of setting aside time to talk every day without interruption, but it can’t be overstated. Having time to share with your spouse and listen to them can do wonders for building intimacy. Besides finding the time to do this (at least 10-15 minutes each day is ideal), another problem is that usually one person needs this more than the other. In my experience counseling, it tends to be the wife who needs that time to talk and share her heart with her husband more so than the other way around, but that’s not always the case, as many husbands need this more than it may seem. The bottom line is that if your spouse is saying or indicating that they need that time to talk, make time for it.

Another really cool idea that I’ve read about that is part of a therapy called Emotionally Focused Therapy, is the concept of “love days” or “caring days.” Each person makes a list of behaviors or actions that would make them feel loved and special if their spouse did them for them. They should be small enough things that several of them can be done in a day and phrased positively instead of negatively (“come talk to me when you get home” instead of “don’t just go to your office when you get home”). A great thing about this exercise is that it takes the guesswork out of making your spouse feel loved. If doing this every day is too much of a challenge, pick one day a week where you will do several of the items on your husband or wife’s list. They can even be the same day.

A final good habit to get into is starting a hobby together or finding a shared interest. Check on the internet for ideas and hobbies that couples can engage in together to get some ideas. Or maybe there’s something the two of you have always talked of doing but have never gotten around to it. Sharing in activities is a great way to build the friendship aspect of your marriage. There are a million activities that are either cheap or not very time consuming. There’s something out there for you and your spouse, it’s just a matter of finding it.

I hope some of these ideas have appealed to you and that they are things you would consider putting into practice. If you’re doing none of these things, trying to put all four into practice at once would be quite the challenge. Start small with one and work your way up. Or maybe you and your spouse can brainstorm some ideas of your own to put into practice.

In His Service,
Jarvis