Today I want to talk about something that makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable. It is the issue that many Christian men don’t talk about and many Christian wives really don’t want to hear about. It is unfortunate because it is one of the biggest issues that men deal with on a daily basis. Many women struggle too but by and large not to the degree that men do. There have been books written about this sin, a popular one titled “Every Man’s Battle”. I’m talking of course about lusting.

One of the most pernicious lies that we as a culture have bought into is “it’s a guy thing,” or “men will be men.” If these statements don’t fully exonerate men of any wrongdoing they at the very least encourage people to turn a blind eye. It’s one of those sins that is so internal that most of the time, nobody knows it is going on, saved for a wife catching her husband letting his eyes linger a little too long on another woman. Given that it’s so internal and doesn’t outwardly hurt anyone else in the moment, men find it easy to justify its practice. For some men, it’s lusting after women they see on the street; for others it’s looking at women in magazines or on the computer. No matter how it’s done, men are kidding themselves if they think it’s not having an effect on their marriages and their relationship with God. Lusting moves you further away from your spouse and God.

Many Christians are familiar with what the Bible says about lusting. Jesus warns that if you look at a woman with lustful intent you’ve already committed adultery in your heart. I like what Paul wrote in his first letter to the Corinthians: Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. It is so true and seems a unique sin in that regard given that when you lust you get absolutely nothing out of it, whereas with many other sins something can be attained. For example, people can lie, murder, cheat, and steal and can gain something tangible from committing those acts. Something desirable can be gained from the sin. However, that is not the case with lusting. The only things that will be gained are feelings of guilt and discontentment. The bottom line is that lusting after what you can’t have is not only pointless but it breeds discontent. How can a man be content with his wife if he spends time daydreaming about other women that he will never be with?

For a wedding gift, my wife and I received a DVD set of a marriage seminar from this pastor who travels around giving seminars. It is called “Laugh your way to a better marriage,” and, as the name suggests, blends humor with scripture and practical applications for a better marriage. One point he made really stuck out to me and that was how can men expect to fully enjoy the main course (their wife) when they’ve been eating junk food all day (junk food defined as lustful thoughts or behaviors)? I’d never heard it put quite like that, but that is so true.

None of this is to bash men, considering I’m one myself. So many men try so hard to have pure thoughts but it really is difficult in a society that throws attractive women in our faces constantly, whether on billboards, tv commercials, or movies. It really is an issue that every man struggles with to some degree or another. I read something awhile back on the subject of lusting and one man’s prayer was that God would help him be more like Joseph. Joseph was in a situation that would have been so easy to give in to temptation. Potiphar’s wife was practically begging him to go to bed with her, but he ran away. All of this has been said to try to bring light to an issue that is very real to so many people and so many marriages. My goal is not to get anyone into trouble here (myself included!). Husbands, pray to God to be more like Joseph. And wives, you may pray for you husband in many areas, but when was the last time you prayed for him in this ongoing battle of his? He probably needs your prayers more than he is willing to admit.

In His Service,
Jarvis